Second Thoughts
by beccamint17
Summary: Oneshot. SSHP. It was the day after the great battle against Lord Voldemort and the Dark has prevailed…


Title: Second Thoughts

Author: beccamint17

Rating: M

Summary: One-shot. SSHP. It was the day after the great battle against Lord Voldemort and the Dark has prevailed… _I do not own anything Harry Potter related._

It was the day after the great battle against Lord Voldemort and the Dark has prevailed. No one is untouched by what has happened. For the Weasleys it meant the loss of three children and the betrayal of another. Percy had played a key role in the death of Ginny, Ron, and Charlie. A frantic fire call for help had them rushing to Hogsmead and into the arms of several of the Dark Lord's most loyal Death Eaters armed with wands and the Avada Kedavra curse falling from their lips. For the Malfoys it meant freedom from Azkaban and the return to power and prestige under a great leader. After Draco's involvement in the death of Professor Dumbledore there were several investigations and a trial that landed Narcissa and him in Azkaban and cells right next to Lucius. One of Voldemort's first orders as leader of the wizarding world was to break three of his most loyal followers out of prison. For Professor Severus Snape the victory against the Light meant mixed feelings and undefined emotions.

I have worked hard for this moment, the final and ultimate defeat of Dumbledore and his precious Order. I have spent years working at Hogwarts just so I could spy on that old fool and bring valuable information back to my lord. I am one of my lords best Death Eaters and most loyal subjects. I can not believe that I spent all those years teaching dunderheads and incompetent mudbloods and now, now when I have helped attain the greatest victory the world has ever known I am actually having second thoughts-and about that miserable half-blood Potter no less!

I can not conceive of how it happened. My hate for Potter goes back to his father James and our school days together. James and his ridiculous friends Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew called themselves the Maruaders. Everyone thought they were so clever, even Lily Evans. I suppose that is were my real hate for Potter started, with his mother, not his father. Though, that prank with the Whomping Willow made me angrier than I had ever been in my life-until Lily's betrayal, that is. James was always showing off in front of her, picking at me again and again to gain her attention, but it was always me she turned her eye on. I realized too late that it was pity in her eyes and not genuine affection. She felt sorry for me. She loved him.

So, now I look upon Potter in his cage and I feel as if everything has turned on me and gone wrong. When Potter and the Dark Lord faced each other across the battle field yesterday I knew who would come out victorious. After all, Potter is just a teenage boy with little actual knowledge of battle magic and he was going up against a fully matured wizard whose immense knowledge of dark magic has granted him the honor of going down in the history books as the greatest dark lord to ever rule the wizarding world. It was painfully obvious that the boy would not leave the field alive, but by some change of plans, never of heart, I am sure the Dark Lord has none, my lord decided to capture Potter instead, and there he sits.

The Dark Lord wanted his prize displayed for all to see. He chose to place Potter in a cage in the middle of the great hall of Hogwarts, his new base of operation. Potter is certainly a site, battered, bruised, and nearly naked. The more unsavory of the Dark Lord's followers are staring at him as if he is a piece of meat at market-I know that look. It is the same look I would give Potter if my expressionless mask was to slip out of place for even the briefest of seconds, and that is precisely why I am having difficulties now of all times.

I should be looking at Potter with revulsion, like young Malfoy. He can not stop glaring at Potter. If he thinks the Dark Lord will let him level a few curses in Potter's direction he had better think again. None but the Dark Lord himself will harm Potter. After all, he could die one of these times, one curse too many, and my lord does not want him to die by any hands but his own. Of course, Malfoy being the spoiled brat that he is, he will probably ask anyway. As if the Dark Lord would even think about it after young Malfoy's blunder. It was he who was suppose to kill Dumbledore, not I. Not that I did not enjoy every minute of it; Malfoy's indecision, Dumbledore's pleas, and then finally releasing the curse. I could not have asked for a better repayment for all I had to suffer through. Why isn't Potter's defeat causing me as much joy as Dumbledore's?

For some reason I wish things had gone differently. It is not that I would have the Light prevail, far from it, but I would have had Potter escape. It is entirely unexpected. Instead of feeling disgusted with his weakness and triumphant in my lord's victory I feel as though I am about to lose something important, that something vital to me is going to slip through my fingers and I am never going to be the same again. How disastrous that that very thing Potter.

Could all of this just be my old feelings for Lily resurfacing? I was sure I had long ago buried any hint of pleasantry I shared with her. Though, the memories are still so sharp. Studying in the library. Working in Potions class together. I even remember the first time we met. It was on the train to Hogwarts our first year. I had bumped in to Lily while trying to find an empty compartment. It took one look into those eyes of hers to change my entire life. Those damn bottomless green eyes. Harry's eyes.

Harry? When did I start referring to Potter as Harry? What could the boy be thinking of now? Revenge? Escape? Surely he must realize his situation. His life hangs in the balance, he would not do anything rash. Of course he would. Bloody Gryffindor.

______________________________________________________________________________

It is the day after the great battle against Voldemort and my entire world has come crashing down. The Prophecy must have been a fake, that is the only way to explain it. I am still alive. The-Boy-Who-Lived. I have no illusions as to why I was left alive and almost everyone I know is gone, it is all about his sick sense of revenge. He has let me live for a little while longer so he and his Death Eaters can torture me. The only real question is: why hasn't he done it yet? Ron. Hermione. Ginny. Remus. Dumbledore. All gone with a blink of an eye and yet he hesitates when it comes to me. It does not make sense that he would order the people that helped me killed so easily and then pull back when his worst enemy is completely vulnerable right in front of him.

Since I was captured off the field not a thing has happened to me. Voldemort has not cursed me once since he spelled this cage around me. He simply left and I have not seen even the tip of his robes sense. It was Lucius Malfoy who brought me here with a levitation spell. Here. Hogwarts. Voldemort is making a mockery of the Order and everything it stands for by making this the site of his new liar. The place of my destruction. How ironic that the place I have learned at, the place where I was taught to fight him, should be the destination of my downfall. Hogwarts, the first and only home I have ever known. And who better to witness my demise then the two people at Hogwarts that hated me the most. Malfoy and Snape.

I suppose I should not be surprised that Snape was really spying for Voldemort the entire time, but I am. I always trusted Dumbledore's judgment and he believed wholeheartedly that Snape was loyal to the Order, that he would do anything to accomplish the defeat of Voldemort and his Death Eaters. I can not help but think of how foolish everyone in the Order was to let such a devoted Death Eater spy into our mists. Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater. We should have known. Had Snape really deflected after the first war, he would not be alive now. Here.

He has been staring at me since I arrived. I never saw him at the actual battle, but who could tell anyone apart? All of Voldemort's people wore masks. He could have been standing next to me and I never would have known. He could have been one of the Death Eaters I went through on my way to Voldemort. He stands out clearly now. After our loss all of the Dark Lord's followers threw off their masks in a boast of success. I could not believe some of the people that were among them. Snape was only the first surprise of many. Percy Weasley. Oliver Wood. Cho Chang.

I think Cho was more surprising than any Gryffindor who changed sides. After all, it was Voldemort that killed her boyfriend Cedric Diggery. I have had a lot of time to think about it. Ravenclaws are extremely intelligent. A Ravenclaw would not pick a losing team. There were many of them on the battle field yesterday. It would have been stupid of Cho to endanger herself and end up like Cedric. I would not have wanted that, I do still have some feelings for her. Though, I realized too late that it was not more then a mere crush. When I started noticing the other boys in the showers after Quiditch practice I finally admitted the truth to myself. What I felt for Cho was based little on real attraction and more on the knowledge that she is a beautiful girl that many of my schoolmates admired. I wonder what everyone would have said if I had told them I was a poof? I bet Severus is a poof.

Where did that bloody thought come from? And Severus? Well, I will be damned if I will call him Professor Snape. Why shouldn't I call him by his first name? I think I have the right to call one of the people that contributed the most to my demise whatever I want. I will call him Whinnie the Pooh to his face if I feel like it! If you are going to die you should get a few kicks while you can at least. I guess I am not as much like Dumbledore as I thought. He did not get angry when Snape killed him, he just accepted it.

Though, I guess I should be more hysterical. I suppose I should be screaming and trying to fight my way out, but what is the use? The cage is spelled against magic, I already tried wandless magic. I could attempt to pick the lock, but it would be pretty useless even if I knew how with over a hundred of Voldemort's Death Eaters standing around hoping for any excuse to curse me. Besides, who is there to fight for? All my friends are dead. Dumbledore is dead. I have no real family. No boyfriend. No home. Not that I have any intention of dying gracefully. If the let me out of this cage I am going to put up one last fight for the sake of my own pride.

Is this how it always is just before you die? I can not stop trying to rationalize everything, can not stop thinking. The thinking is better then the memories at least. The day I met Ron and Hermione is too happy to think about now. The first time I flew a broom. The first time a caught the snitch in practice. My first real game. There are other memories, safer ones, but they still hurt. The day I took my OWLS. Denoaming Mrs. Weasley's garden with Fred and George in the summer. Sneaking into the Restricted Section under my invisibility cloak.

I turned at the sound of the doors to the Great Hall being thrown open. Voldemort is back.

______________________________________________________________________________

Voldemort strode across the Great Hall and seated himself in Dumbledore's tall backed chair. Everyone stood and just waited for him to speak. After several minutes of simply staring about the room he began. "I have dreamed of this day for far too long. It took years of plans and battles to achieve my goal. But now, I am the ruler of the entire wizarding world!" All of the Death Eaters clapped and cheered until Voldemort helped up his right hand. "Soon, the muggles will suffer the same fate and the world will rest in my hands. But, there have been many setbacks along the way, and all of them were because of that brat, Potter," he said as he pointed his finger at Harry in his cage. "I intend to relieve myself of his presence for once and all tonight." Again, they applauded, many shouting suggestions for Harry's death. "However," at this all was quiet again, "I have decided not to kill Potter." he looked directly at Harry. "To do so would make the Prophecy true, and I refuse to believe that drivel. It was a plot by Dumbledore and I WILL NOT BE MANIPULATED BY THAT OLD FOOL!"

Harry tried to keep the stunned expression off of his face. He could not believe what he was hearing. Voldemort was going to forgo the joy of killing his mortal enemy just to spite Dumbledore? He could tell that the Dark Lord's followers were just as amazed. All except Severus it seemed. He had not let that cool expression of his slip for a second.

Severus was just as shocked as everyone else, but years of practice had made his expression unreadable. For his lord to surprise everyone so was just beyond reason. Even his most loyal Death Eater, Lucius, was completely taken back at his announcement.

"I have thought about this carefully. I have decided to reward one of my most loyal subjects will Potter as a trophy to do with as they will," Voldemort said. Everyone's shock increased. "I know, Lucius, that you think it will be you. Before your son's botched assignment you would have been right. He failed to kill Dumbledore and I spared him punishment because of your family's unfailing loyalty, but someone else had to clean up his mess. Not only that, but for years he spied on the Dumbledore and the Order bringing back useful information.. He never once let me down. So, Severus Snape, I am giving Harry Potter to you."

Thank you, my lord." Severus bowed low and kissed the Dark Lord's robes. He kept his calm expression carefully in place. "It has been an honor to be so helpful to you and our cause."

"I know I can count on you, Severus. Make the boy suffer. You may go."

Severus did not question Voldemort's decision or bother to try and analyze it. He levitated Harry's cage and started out of the hall. As he passed by many of his fellow Death Eaters have him suggestions for dealing with his new trophy. Snape, in true fashion, ignored everyone. Severus hoped his lord would excuse his curtness. He wanted to get away from everyone so he could talk to Harry. They needed discuss this new situation, because as much as he hated it, he could not harm the boy.

Harry was far too stunned to speak. This had certainly put a dent in his plans. He was hoping Voldemort would let him out of his cage to murder him and then he could he could make one last struggle, throw off a few curses, and hopefully Voldemort or one of his followers would get mad enough to shoot the killing curse at him. Now what? He doubted Severus would lose his control like that. No, he would want a slow death by torture. But it was worth a try.

Severus had kept his rooms in the dungeons. After all, they were connected to a potions' lab. A quick password at the portrait of an old wizard and he was in his inner sanctum. He set down Harry's cage and stood back. Harry just sat there staring at him. This is not going to be easy. He lifted his wand and whispered the spell to unlock Harry's cage. He got his third shock of the night. Harry attacked him.

He sprang as soon at the door to his cage popped open. He shouted curses as he leaped behind the couch. He heard a "damn" from Severus as he waited for him to make a move. He wished he were not so limited in the spells he could use, but with wandless magic it was difficult to use anything too powerful.

Severus should have expected this reaction. He had to move fast to dodge Harry's curses and duck behind a bookcase. "Potter, I am not going to hurt you, do you hear me?"

"Bullshit. How stupid do you think I am? You have hated me since I was born, and before that you hated my father just as much. Why should you hesitate to hurt me?"

"I am not going to lie to you. It is true that I used to hate you as much as your father, but things have changed."

"You are a Death Eater!"

"Yes, I am, and I am loyal to my lord."

"Then how can I believe anything you say?"

Severus was loosing his temper quickly. "Harry, stop acting like a spoiled brat and come out from behind that couch now!"

"Not on your life!"

That is it. Severus had enough. Heedless of any curse Harry might throw he rushed behind the couch and lifted Harry to his feet. He grabbed Harry roughly by the arms and dragged him up against his chest. "You had better get over your silly tantrums and childish demands. You are a fully grown wizard, Harry, and you will start acting like it." Before Harry had time to question or comprehend Severus using his first name he was forced into a punishing kiss. He fought at first, putting all his strength into escaping, but Severus was bigger and much stronger than Harry. He ceased to even try after a time, after the kiss gentled, after it turned passionate instead of cruel.

Harry leaned into Severus and melted. Severus could feel his submission, his acknowledgement of the attraction and a much more powerful partner. It was all he needed to know before moving on to the next step. He pulled away from Harry slowly, making him chase his lips. He kissed Harry one more time before making slow, nibbling kisses down his neck.

Harry moaned at the sensation of Snape's tongue laving at his pulse. It was so raw, so animalistic. The room quickly heated to an unbearable level. He did not think it could get much better then this. Then he felt the teeth tugging at his ear and could not stand the pressure any more, his knees buckled.

Severus lifted him easily and carried him into his bedroom and laid him on the bed,. Next he draped himself over Harry's body all the while without breaking contact. He moved back down Harry's neck but quickly became irritated. He needed more contact. He pushed himself onto his knees and straddled Harry who whimpered at the loss. He groaned at such a sweet sound and reached for Harry's shirt. He attacked with a vengeance.

At Severus's first suckle on Harry's nipple Harry lost it. He was in heaven. Never having done any of this before he did not know what to do but he was sure whatever Severus was doing must be right because he was losing his mind, he was so lost in the sensations Severus provoked.

Severus was feeling just as greedy and spoiled as Malfoy at the moment. He wanted all of Harry. He slid his hand down to Harry's crotch and rubbed him through the fabric of his pants. Harry's answering lift of his hips was the best signal he could have hoper for. He ran his hand upward and slid it into the waistband of Harry's boxers. He revealed in the feel of such smooth hardness. He ran his hand up and down his lover's length as he continued to tease his nipples.

Harry had to touch him. He slide his both hands into Severus's hair and clutched. His attempt to anchor himself was useless as he continued to moan and twist his hips under Severus experienced fondling. He began to run his hands up and down Severus's back. Wanting skin on skin contact he took his cue from Severus and started tugging at his robes.

Severus obliged and took them off and returned to his ministrations. Sliding his hand back to Harry's groin he unzipped his pants and tugged them down and off. He started trailing his tongue down Harry's chest and past his navel. Harry almost exploded off the bed when he felt Severus wrap his lips about him but Severus held onto his hips, holding him in place.

Harry was so trapped in what Severus was doing with his mouth that he did not feel the first finger that slid into his opening. The second caused an ache and he gasped. Severus stopped moving his fingers immediately.

"Harry, can you handle this? Normally I would use lube to ease the way but I did not expect this to happen."

"I'm okay. It just-it stings."

Severus took a moment to think. He removed his fingers and replaced them with his tongue.

"Oh God," Harry moaned.

Severus continued until Harry was squirming again and was prepared as best as he could. He pulled himself up and stood by the bed just admiring Harry's body.

"Severus?" Harry asked. He was worried that he might have changed his mind.

The doubts disappeared completely when Severus removed the rest of his close and blanketed himself over Harry, fully covering him and wrapping his arms around him. He positioned himself at Harry's entrance and slowly pushed in, trying not to cause Harry any discomfort. When he buried to the hilt he stopped and just lay there, giving his partner time to adjust to an alien sensation.

It was odd, having Severus inside him, but it did not hurt at all. It was foreign and yet very pleasant. And then Severus started moving his hips, flexing in and out of Harry in an easy rhythm. Soon they both needed more. The tempo increased and Severus hit that spot that made Harry moan.

When he found Harry's prostrate he adjusted to that he hit it with every thrust and sped up even more, seeking that moment for him and Harry where the world would crumble around them and they would both go over the edge.

When it came it was like a tidal wave. Neither one of them could control it. Harry arched. Severus lunged. Both their hearts pounded. Then everything slowed. The world came rushing back. Body's cooled. Neither knew how long they just laid there playing out the moment. Reveling in the sensation.

Severus rolled off Harry slowly but kept his arms around him. They simply lay there silently for a few moments catching their breath. Severus spoke first. "Harry-"

"I do not think we need to talk, Severus," Harry interrupted.

"No," he agreed, "we do not need to talk."

Soon they both fell asleep. Do not make any mistakes. This is not a happily-ever-after story. What Harry and Severus share in private is far removed from the public. Severus will always be a greasy git and Harry will always be a stupid Gryffindor. Fights are bound to happen, tempers will flare and feelings will get hurt. The real part of this story, what makes it if not happily-ever-after then at least happy, is that they will to survive together.


End file.
